Until the Day I Die
24 January 2004 @ 10:30 pm

Wow, I don't know. Things have been so busy. Working 80 hour weeks is tough.

The sad part is that I feel okay, but I'm spiralling again. I'm getting the urge to cut, but I have no reason to. I have to repaet to myself that everything is okay, it's working out I think.

It's been 7 months with Matt now. We're looking into getting a house. I would tell you about the 'perfect' house we found, but couldn't afford, except it makes me sad that I couldn't have it. (It had a nursery!)

My paychecks have been really good, about 1500$ a check, so our ends are finally meeting. Which means alot of the stress is gone.

I've been partying alot lately, well, more than usual. One of my friends is in a band, so I've been supporting them, except that I don't like half of the band, they're so snobby. But, enough of the happy stuff.

...

Matt has been acting funny again, he's working tonight at Club Freedom with his brother. He's working in the parking lot tonight, but he got all dressed up to go. He shaved and everything. That's wierd. I'm worried about what he's really doing.

I guess it's not really an odd thing to cut without a reason. I actually miss the little patch of cuts on the inside of my elbow. Sometimes, I actually surprise myself when I look and they're not there. Everybody I talk to about it just thinks I'm wierd, which is understandable, but what am I supposed to do? I'm actually wondering if I should talk to my doctor about it. I have a whole batch of appointments coming up soon.

And I'm freaking out. What if they find something wrong? My last doctor tried to tell me I had bladder cancer, because I was pissing blood. Even after I told her that I had just had the shit kicked out of me when I was swarmed by 5 crackhead bitches. Stupid bitches. It's alright though, they lost most of the teeth they had left.

Back to work tomorrow. Oh, another wonderful day. Matt doesn't work, why do I have to worry about him?

...

Until the day I die
I'll spill my heart for you
For you
Until the day I die
I'll spill my heart for you

Should I bite my tounge 'till blood soaks my shirt?
We never fall apart. Tell me why these words so much?

Older Entries
This is the end of it. - 29 March 2004
Dream On - 22 February 2004
Until the Day I Die - 24 January 2004
It hurts to love him - 22 December 2003
Blood Brothers - 21 December 2003