Closet Monsters
15 November 2003 @ 11:00 pm

In Matt's infinite quest to find extra work, he's helping his brother out tonight. His brother works at Club Freedom, as a bouncer. Wonderful.

That means he'll be gone in the darkest hours of the night. 'Alone' doesn't get any worse than that.

...

Robert and Niki stopped by this evening. They brought Jayden with them of course. Seeing that fat little baby just made me want to cry. I want one so bad. Here's the part where most people think I'm stupid, but holy meatballs. I've raised three kids already, and they weren't mine! Of course, Robert and Matt got into their old war stories, which wasn't a good thing because Matt's bouncing at a club full of eTards.

...

I have this thing about the closet lately. It's closely related to my recent night terrors. I have to have the closet checked before I go to bed. If I don't, I freak out and can't sleep. So I have this little ritual. I'll sit on the edge of the bed and listen real close for about a minute or two, if I don't hear anything I'll approach the closet with great stealth. The light switch for the closet is on the outside of the door, but you can't turn it on before you open the door. If you do, you're just alerting anyone inside that you're about to open it. So I have to turn the handle very slowly and soundlessly and then I yank it open and flip the switch with the other hand, all the while I'm closing my eyes, holding my breath and waiting to feel a knife plunge into my face. It hasn't happened yet, but you never know. Especially since I'm by myself tonight.

But at least he should be home by 4 or 5. It takes a certain amount of sleep for me before I start to dream. They come somewhere around 5 or 6, so maybe I'll be okay.

...

Will you hold my hand?

_____________________

Heaven help me for the way I am
Save me from these evil deeds
Before I get them done

Older Entries
This is the end of it. - 29 March 2004
Dream On - 22 February 2004
Until the Day I Die - 24 January 2004
It hurts to love him - 22 December 2003
Blood Brothers - 21 December 2003