Isn't life grand? v.4
15 November 2003 @ 2:00 pm

Continued from earlier...

About four months after I was caught and kicked out, I realized my period was about two weeks late. I tried my best to break it to Matt as best I could. It didn't go so well. He ended up calling me names, and storming out.

I thought 'Okay, that's not so bad" and I got dressed and went to lunch. He called me while I was at lunch and started to pick a fight again. Called me more names, told me I was just like Doug (ouch), and wanted me to know that he wasn't coming home that night.

It's not like I wanted to be pregnant, and on top of that I wasn't even sure I was. I didn't know what to do. The first thing that popped into my head was 'Cut!'. I had promised Matt that I would stop cutting. So being the smart person that I am, I thought I'll just take a bunch of pills.

I've never messed with pills before.

I ended up taking about 75 aspirin, (I was told later that 75 is a lethal dose) and sent Matt text messages telling him so.

I don't remember much of it, but I remember talking to Bobbie, who convinced me to go get a pregnancy test, wandering through the grocery store looking for them like a zombie and feeling incredibly queasy.

I guess Matt cut his 'Guy's night' short because I remeber him being there. I also remember puking while trying to check in with Doug. He accused me of being drunk, I assured him I wasn't and he kept threatening to show up at the apartemnt. Matt got on the phone with him and told him to fuck off, that I was never going back.

And I haven't.

I wasn't pregnant either. I spent a week in bed because the pain was amazing. My stomach was nonexistant. I was eating myself from the inside out.

Doug still tries to ruin my life. He just recently stopped calling Matt parents house and harrasing them. He went down to one of my last employers, and told them I was stealing from them when I worked there. It's the same shit over again. An officer contacted me about it. Supposedly, he went down with 3 big boxes full of stuff, and told them I was so distraught after losing my last job that I told him all about stealing frm the job before that. Except he told the officer I was his girlfriend. Yeah. The balls of that guy.

I'm just waiting for what he's going to do next. We're thinking about getting a restraining order against him. I think I will.

So that's my story. Things have leveled out for now. Times are rocky with Matt, but we're still trying to get used to each other. I start a new job Mnday making $10.25. Not the best I know, but it's decent. Pays the bills.

Keep in touch my pretties. See the next chapter in The Saga of Katie.

...

You fondle my trigger, then you blame my gun
And when I think of it, my fingers turn to fists
I never did anything to you, man

Older Entries
This is the end of it. - 29 March 2004
Dream On - 22 February 2004
Until the Day I Die - 24 January 2004
It hurts to love him - 22 December 2003
Blood Brothers - 21 December 2003