Defense Mechanism
12 November 2003 @ 10:30 pm

Life is good for now.

Okay, so I'm just guessing, but how am I to be sure?

The problem is I feel so hollow. So devoid of anything inside. A defense mechanism. Waiting for the bomb to drop. If it doesn't kill me, the radiation fallout will.

Why am I plauged with such self-hate and doubt? Why does my own mind keep telling me that I am not enough? Not enough to be happy, not enough to move away from the past, not enough to breath the same air as other people?

I wander through life and people don't turn their heads. I dance and I yell and I cry and I die and no one notices.

He does know what goes on behind my eyelids at night, but he refuses to look.

...
Before it ends just tell me where to begin.

Older Entries
This is the end of it. - 29 March 2004
Dream On - 22 February 2004
Until the Day I Die - 24 January 2004
It hurts to love him - 22 December 2003
Blood Brothers - 21 December 2003