Share my torture
02 June 2003 @ 8:43 pm

I want to go home, I want to go back to before. When I was a child and I didn't have to think of the consequences, that's where I want to go.

...

This pain is just too real.

I can feel it, slowly eating my sanity. I begin to wonder is evryone else was right, if I really have changed. I've been through a lot of bad shit, but I was stronger than they realized. I did not and will not go down without a fight. But then... I'm tired of the struggle. I'm tired of recieving blows that should have killed my heart. I'm tired of nursing myself back to health through self mutlilation, self loathing and a plethora of drugs.

I want you to hurt me, I want you to finally kill me. To be merciful and make this the last time I hurt for another. I don't want to watch another person absorb the love I give them just to turn around and spit it back like venom.

...

After every heartbreak, every breakdown, it becomes harder for me to remain human. Harder than you will ever know because I will not tell you.

I want you to love me for the shattered tortured soul that you think I hide from you. Not because I tell you. Because you recognize it in my eyes. Because we share like pains.

...

Older Entries
This is the end of it. - 29 March 2004
Dream On - 22 February 2004
Until the Day I Die - 24 January 2004
It hurts to love him - 22 December 2003
Blood Brothers - 21 December 2003